


A Troubled Road of Feelings

by SquishyWitch



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Implied cause I cut away before it happens, Pining, Post-Time Skip, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Special appearance of Claude writing a letter, That girls got anxiety...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-01-26 21:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21380614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquishyWitch/pseuds/SquishyWitch
Summary: Marianne cares deeply about a certain pink haired girl, but what will it take for her to admit it?
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Comments: 3
Kudos: 98





	1. The Academy

“Marianne?!” The pink haired girl called her across the dining hall. “Is that you?”

She saw her bounce her way across the hall in her direction. Memories flashed of her hiding behind Margrave Edmunds legs as she was introduced to a small pink haired girl.

“This is Hilda, Marianne.” He had said. “Be sure to get along with her.”

She had changed quite a bit since Marianne had met that girl almost a hand shorter than her, but certainly not enough for her to not stand out like a brilliant light when Marianne looked around the room. Her shoulders had filled out a bit along with her figure, but the sheer presence of her personality truly filled the empty space of the room. Marianne’s eyes followed her as she blazed a trail through the crowd to her.

“Hilda…?” She took a step back as the pink haired girl quickly made her approach.

“Hey Marianne! It’s been forever!” Hilda slid to a stop in front of her as Marianne was struck simply by her presence.

“Ah, Hilda… It’s c-certainly been a long time.” Marianne’s words stumbled out of her mouth. It had been some time since she had spoken to anyone aside from her tutor, and trying to contend with the brilliant pink in front of her was a challenge.

“Have you gone around to meet everyone yet?” Hilda paused for a moment before continuing. “There are quite a few characters in the classes this year i have to say!” 

‘She must be trying to make up for the empty air I’m leaving’ Marianne thought as stared at the girl taking up her vision

“I-uh, I don’t think I have yet Hilda.” Was she supposed to? It was probably expected of her as a new student. There were so many of them though, could she really go around to all of them? “I’m certain they have better things to do than meet me though…”

“Come on now Marianne!” Hilda chidded her as she quickly grasped one of hands Marianne had been keeping folded in front of herself. “You are totally the kindest and loveliest person that I’ve ever met! They’ll all love you!”

“B-but is this really necessary?” Marianne felt rooted to the spot. All her anxieties flying to the front of her mind. There were too many people she wouldn’t be able to talk to all of them let alone be social the entire time!

Hilda took a firm grasp on Marianne’s hand. Her hands were so warm and soft… Why was that making Marianne feel so strange?

“Of course it’s necessary Marianne! You have to make at least some kind of impression on them. I mean we’re gonna be pretty much living with all of them for the better part of a year!” Hilda spoke with confidence as she leaned in towards Marianne. “Besides, I’ll be right there with you the whole time! If you need a break or to stop just tell me, I’m always willing to sit and rest for a bit.” She finished with a wink as she turned.

‘Maybe this won’t be so bad…’ Marianne could help but think as the heat from Hilda’s hands seeped into hers. Something about Hilda just made Marianne think the effort just might be worth it.

~-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------~

Marianne slid the last book into the shelf.

“Um… is this right Hilda?” Marianne stepped back from the shelf. All of the books seemed to blend together on the shelf.

“Hmm, looks all good to me!” Hilda took a quick glance at the few books that she hadn’t handled. “You know I was kind of surprised you had no idea how to handle these kinds of things…”

“My education was… Um… Focused.” Marianne sighed.

“Well, either way! We should probably study for that test coming up.” Hilda said as she stretched.

The new lean muscle on Hilda’s arms stretched as she lifted them above her head. Marianne’s eyes quickly dropped to her feet.

“Y-Yes! Of course.” Marianne nearly tripped as went to grab one of the diplomacy primers she had just put away.

“Hey, you are doing a lot better though!” Hilda called to her. “You had no idea where those books went the first time we had to clean here!”

“I-I guess I have improved somewhat…” Marianne muttered.

“Well we’ll get you to take a compliment one of these days Marianne.” Hilda replied with a sigh. “Either way let’s actually get to studying here!”

Marianne set the book down at one of the tables as Hilda grabbed the chair next to her and pulled it slid it a bit closer to the other girl. Hilda opened up the book before pulling a small folded paper out of a small pocket.

“Page… seventy?” She muttered as she opened the book to the page. “Uhg! Not this boring stuff again! I get some old Reigan and Gloucester had some spat, but is that really important?”

“This, um, diplomatic incident ended up setting up the Reigan house as the leaders of the alliance.” Marianne said.

“I guess that it’s important for that reason, but it’s still just some boring transcripts of these two stuffy nobles talking.” Hilda sighed. “Isn’t there like anything that makes this more interesting?!”

“Well in Margrave Edmunds library I did find a book that seemed to be the journal of Clarissa von Reigan, and she seemed to think the main reason Count Gloucester took such issue with the trade deal was that he had discovered that she was sleeping with his wife.” Marianne stifled a giggle at her reaction when she had first seen that. “It was all quite improper but it seems she managed to hide it from any official records. Assuming that journal is true of course…”

“Are you serious!? Why don’t the lessons include that!” Hilda giggled as she leaned back in her chair stretching her toned arms. “Maybe I’ll actually be able to get through those trade talks now that I know that happened…”

Hilda leaned forward with her arms against the table.

She turned back to look at Marianne, with half hooded eyes. “Or maybe you could read it to me?”

Marianne felt her heart fly into her throat.

“I-I certainly, could uh… if you want?” Marianne stiffened in her chair as Hilda’s bright pink hair swung back past her. She could do this couldn’t she? It was simple! It was innocent! Hilda had even asked her. Nothing improper at all!

Marianne took the book in her hands and started reading from it in a calm, even tone. That tone shifted as she felt Hilda shift her chair closer. It shifted again as she felt Hilda’s hip bump into hers. She continued to read keeping solid control of her voice. As she read Hilda would chime in here and there with a question, sometimes a statement like ‘oh I totally see it! Gloucester is so pissed!’

They continued like this for sometime as Marianne read and Hilda listened. The only sound filling the room was Marianne’s soft voice and their slowly matching heart beats. Even if the texts themselves were old transcripts of nobles discussing trade deals the company they offered each other kept them interested together. Of course that didn’t stop the spaces between Hilda’s comments from increasing as some of them ended with yawns.

Soon enough Marianne felt a soft pressure on her shoulder. Looking down she saw a sea of pink strands as Hilda’s sleeping form pressed against her. Her long hair cascading down Marianne’s shoulder.

Again Marianne felt her heart in her throat.

Desperately she tried to calm down as her chest shuddered with each beat. A single unbidden thought brought heat to her face as she stared down at the girl resting on her shoulder.

‘Oh goddess what do I do?’

Marianne tried to relax her body as much as her heart protested her situation. The least she could do was try to be a good pillow. Seeing Hilda’s sleeping face pressed against her shoulder was payment enough for any effort she could put out. There were times she certainly regretted letting Margrave Edmund push her to going to the academy but… she had gotten to see Hilda here again.

‘There’s just… something about her.’ Marianne thought. ‘Something beautiful…’


	2. Letters

When the war truly broke out the golden deer class all went their separate ways. Marianne had returned to Margrave Edmunds manor while Hilda went back to Fodlans Throat. She worried about all of their friends, Lysithea and Lorenz in particular with their homes so close to Empire lands. Though Marianne was unsure if there was anything that she could do about that.

Time wore on as the lands of Faerghus were slowly carved apart at taken into the Empires hands. Edmund kept track of things as they progressed and as much as Marianne wanted to desperately to avoid all the terrifying things happening in the world around her but she knew that if she let herself fall in that hole...

Marianne new there was at least one thing she could do.

She threw herself into her studies. Marianne spent a majority of her time in Edmunds library. Reading and writing dominated the time she didn’t spend in the stables. Even with this focus she still had to talk to Dorte. Margrave Edmund did not make the best, or most comforting conversation partner for her. At least Dorte listened.

She still struggled to feel useful.

She still strained against her own voice.

It had been two months when the stress of her new determination started to overwhelm her. It was another day from then when the first letter from Hilda arrived.

_ My Dear Marianne, _

_ Things certainly have been pretty strange recently! I feel like it’s always been my home that’s been threatened but recently the Almayran forces haven’t even approached The Throat… now I just find myself worrying about The Kingdom and our friends to the southern border. _

_ Edelgard certainly made a mess of things didn’t she? _

_ I have to admit I’ve been worried about you too! I know that you and Margrave Edmund… are not on the best of terms, so I just wanted to write you and see how you are doing! I mean I might have some greedier, more personal, reasons to want to talk to you...  _

_ I’ll admit it! My Brother has taken over as the Duke of Goneril and now I’ve been stuck doing guard duty and checking the forts on the border. It’s been lonely and when I thought of who I could reach out to you were the first to come to mind, so what do you say to being pen pals? _

_ Sound fun? _

_ Hilda Valentine Goneril _

_ P.S. Have you heard from Claude? I haven’t seen him since he left Garrag Mach. I know he took the Professors disappearing act pretty hard, but I thought he would have reached out to me of all people by now at least! _

Marianne had felt something immensely warm when she saw that line ‘you were the first to come to mind.’ She clutched the letter to her chest when she finished reading it that feeling she just couldn’t, wouldn’t, name flowing from her eyes.

She had read the letter many times over the course of a day before she managed to even start a reply.

Marianne stared at the page she had laid upon a table in the library. What did she want to say to Hilda? There was to much she wanted to say and so much of it felt just beyond her reach. Maybe she should just reply simply. Give her a message to comfort her. For Hilda to admit to even that level of discomfort… Marianne felt her new determination flood her as she took pen to page.

_ Dear Hilda, _

_ The news from all over Fodlan has been distressing to hear. I find myself thinking often of our friends, and our peers in the other houses as well. There has been little happening here as Margrave Edmund’s diplomatic talents seem to be of little need when the lines are so plainly drawn in the sand. I’ve tried to learn what I can. Maybe, just maybe, I could find some way to help… _

_ I’ve found myself pouring the energy I have into work, and I must say that it’s been hard to rest for me. All this has made my mind often stray towards you. Perhaps you could teach me how to rest? _

_ Maybe all these empty halls don’t help. I think it might just be more cause for my mind to wander. It’s funny to me how often I thought that I was fine being alone, but then you showed me that I did crave connection. You offered your hand to me and sometimes made me take it. I truly miss the time we spent together at Garrag Mach! _

_ Maybe I’ll make a visit to Goneril lands? I’ll need to come up with quite the excuse to do so, but I will see what I can do. _

_ I dearly miss your company. _

_ Marianne Von Edmund _

_ P.S. I haven’t heard from Claude either. There is surely someone who knows where he went? Both he, and Mercedes, were quite close to the Professor. If it’s related she might know but with The Kingdom in its current state I don’t know how we’d get a message to her. _

Marianne set the pen down as the determination flooding her left just as it had came. She let the page dry as she sat in her chair. Was that letter okay? Would it give Hilda anything that could help? Maybe she just wanted to know someone was listening out here.

Marianne quickly dried the letter and packed it in an envelope. Sealing it before she could change her mind she grabbed her message and left the library with purpose.

She walked into the kitchen where she knew the groundskeeper would be.

“Uh, Miss Violet? Are you here?” Marianne called out seeing the room was empty.

There was a shuffling from the pantry as an older woman came into view. Her hair, greying at the temples, pulled back into a loose bun.

“Lady Edmund! What can I help you with my girl?” The head maid replied as she smoothed out her long skirt.

Marianne felt herself twitch at that name.

“Please, just Marianne.” Recovering herself slightly she continued. “If it’s not too much trouble I have a letter I need to post… and if I could join you next time you head to town that would be wonderful.”

“Of course, Marianne.” The smile she wore spread to her eyes as she looked at Marianne. “This wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with the letter you received the other day?”

Marianne felt her face flush immediately.

“It may…” Marianne tried to steady her voice.

“You know it’s not very often we get messages from the Gonerils. Lord Edmund always says something about them preferring to solve problems with their fists over their words.” Violet rubbed her chin as she looked around the kitchen. “And it was a letter from the younger child wasn’t it… she’d be about your age if my memory is right.

She whipped around to Marianne with an inquisitive look.

“Maybe she even attended Garrag Mach…” She clapped her hands together as swiftly crossed the room towards Marianne. “You never told me you made a friend! Well goodness, I will be heading into town tomorrow lets send your letter then!”

Marianne sighed as the head maid bustled her way out of the kitchen humming a jaunty tune. 

The next day she sent the letter, and for the next month she waited. It was difficult sitting so isolated in the manor from both her friends, and the outside world. News came often of the war raging in the Kingdom. House after house was folding under the weight of the Adrestian army and Edelgard's forces were carving their way across the land.

When the next letter arrived Violet gave it to her personally with a wink. Marianne tore into it and read it quickly. Hilda had much to say this time. On how boring the border was and oh so many other things. Marianne found herself hanging on word after word simply thinking of what they would sound like in Hilda’s voice.

The exchanges continued as Marianne studied and the war continued. Over the course of the year the letters started to become more personal. Hilda talked of how isolated she felt tending to her duties, and Marianne of her own loneliness just now realized. 

The candor they could share on the page changed the tone of the letters as another year progressed and the capital of Faerghus fell. It left Marianne with knew terrifying thoughts as dreams of razed homes and the pain of her friends became new more common companions. It had been some time since she had last prayed to the goddess, and instead of asking to be taken she found herself hoping for the safety of those she missed. She confessed as much to Hilda in her next letter. After sending it became harder to leave her room.

When the reply came back it was in a small box. The letter itself was simple. In Hilda’s hand it said.

_ Remember that there is someone praying for you as well, and if you forget there’s a small token to remind you how much you mean to me. _

_ Hilda _

With it was a fine chain necklace with a small charm on the end. A lily of the valley shaped from firm wire with two blooming flowers. In the two buds rested a single small gem, one pink and the other blue. Marianne didn’t notice the tears falling till they stained the letter in her hand.

More and more of Hilda’s letters included small trinkets. Marianne had little idea what to do with them but she did her best to find a place from them as she put her outfits together. The first necklace Hilda had sent her never left her neck no matter what she wore.

The more letters they exchanged the more Marianne found herself thinking of Hilda. More she found herself thinking about her and the time they were missing together. More Marianne found herself thinking about what would happen when they could finally meet again. 

The years passed and piles of letters continued to grow, as did Marianne's collection of jewelry and trinkets. She had taken to sending Hilda pressed flowers in her letters and sometimes she’d send Hilda ingots from the local metal works. It was some attempt to even out all the effort that Hilda was putting into her gifts but she just wasn’t sure it was enough.

Then a new letter reached Marianne. Claude’s letter was short. A rallying call of sorts.

_ It’s coming soon. The day we all promised to meet again. Let us head to where we said we’d meet. I have something important I need to ask you all, and if we’re lucky maybe the Professor will be there too! _

_ Claude _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> three more chapters! I'm editing the next two and writing the last so we'll see how that goes time wise!


	3. Reunion

The few months before the meeting passed quickly for Marianne. Between her political studies and the time she spent getting back up to speed on her magical studies it felt like the date approached much too quickly. When the time came to leave she checked her supplies and was off before Lord Edmund could protest.

The path to Garrag Mach wasn’t a short one. Traveling to the southern passage up the mountain took her about a week of travel. Getting up the path was harder than she anticipated as it was covered with debris.

The sun was near setting as she approached. Then she heard two strangely familiar voices. They seemed to be arguing about something…

Peering around the tree line she saw a large man and much shorter woman.

“I told you Raphael! We’re close enough as it is. We can just go the rest of the way!” 

If her white hair hadn’t given it way her tone would have, Marianne thought, as she looked to Lysithea. Marianne’s head turned as she looked at the massive man who couldn’t be anyone but Raphael.

“Waiting here might be best though, I heard some bandits have been running out of this area…” He said.

“Uhg, as loath as I am to admit it you are probably right.” Lysithea sighed. “I’m… perhaps eager to see everyone again…” 

Marianne lead her horse forwards as she walked out of the treeline into the small clearing the two stood in.

“Lysithea, Raphael?” Marianne tried to call out to them.

Apparently not quite quick enough. 

“Who?!” Lysithea whipped around as purple energy swirled around fingers. “Oh! Marianne… sorry…”

The snow haired woman let the energy dissipate before she walked stiffly towards Marianne.

“Ah, sorry… I didn’t mean to startle you…?” Marianne tried to contain her surprise as Lysithea closed the distance and flung her arms around her. “I-it’s good to see you too Lysithea.” 

Her surprise turned into a barely contained giggle as Lysithea muttered “I missed you” into her shoulder.

“Ha! She hugged me too when we ran into each other on the way here!” Raphael chuckled as he walked towards the two of them.

He promptly wrapped both of them in a hug with a booming laugh.

“Ah, I missed you all so much!” Raphael boomed.

Then they heard it. The clash of steel just over the hill.

As they quickly crested it they saw Claude and the Professor clashing a group of bandits. 

Wait she was alive? 

Marianne paused to question it as she saw Raphael and Lysithea rush forward. Maybe it was better to think later. She quickly rushed forwards to join them in the fray.

The battle wasn’t the longest they had fought. The bandits were unprepared and caught unaware from multiple sides. Marianne saw them all fighting, Raphael with fists, Lysithea with magic, Claude and Ignatz with bow, Leonie with her lance, and her… She saw Hilda soaring through the sky, her Wyvern dancing around Claude’s. A terror wielding an axe that was nearly a polearm, as she swung down amongst the bandits. Between their combined efforts the bandits were routed, and Marianne couldn’t take her eyes off of Hilda.

As they returned to Garrag Mach proper they shuffled around the familiar place. The rubble tarnishing memory as they explored in the moonlight. Marianne wandered towards the student housing as the moon hung high overhead. They had all pooled what rations they had left into a meager dinner, but they were together again all of them! Marianne turned the corner as she reflected on her sudden departure from the loneliness she felt.

As she walked into torchlight she saw her again. Hilda. She was out of her armor her long pink hair tied into a singular ponytail spilling down her back. Much about her was the same but, so much had changed. Hilda stood with a confidence that Marianne longed to understand. Her broad muscled shoulders defining her presence almost as much as her vibrant hair. She was talking animatedly with Claude under a torch as Marianne starred on.

She took a step forward as Claude noticed her with a wink. Hilda still turned away from her reacted to Claude first as he laughed and replied with something she couldn’t hear. When Claude just pointed to Marianne she saw Hilda jump as she whipped around to face her.

“Marianne!” Was all she heard as Hilda barreled towards her.

She took another step as the other woman collided with her in a hug.

“I’ve missed you so much, Marianne!” Hilda said as she squeezed her

Marianne felt something in her melt at those words. Seeing Hilda now only solidified how lonely she had felt in the intervening years. Her arms settled around Hilda’s shoulders as her friend held onto her for dear life. Marianne collapsed into the hug. Something was different from what she had received from her from her other friends. Was Hilda what had changed her? Marianne could help but think about the immense effect the pink haired woman had on her.

“I’ve missed you too Hilda.” She replied with a squeeze of her own.

“You two really are close, huh.” Claude laughed as he strolled up to them. “Hilda we should keep talking tomorrow. We have something to discuss once Byleth is ready, but for now I’ll let you two catch up.”

He turned as started to walk away from them, a sad smile on his face. “I’m glad to see you Marianne, you look… happier.”

The two separated as Claude continued on his path. Hilda placed her hands solidly on Marianne’s shoulders as she examined her.

“He’s right! I do love seeing that smile of yours!” She stated. “Oh you’re wearing the necklace too!”

“I’ve worn it since you gave it to me… It’s beautiful…” Marianne replied playing with it lightly.

“Come on, we have so much to catch up on!” Hilda said grabbing Mariannes hand as she dragged her to the dormitories above them. Marianne followed close. She held her hand like Hilda could have escaped at any moment even though the grip on the leather gloves Hilda wore made for an easy grasp. They quickly made it up to Hilda’s old room and opened the door.

Inside was surprisingly clean, though the puff of dust that puffed up from Hilda’s bed when she landed on it left her in a coughing fit.

“Seriously? I don’t wanna clean!” Hilda whined as she burst out coughing again. “I wanna sleep!”

“Hilda I’ll shake out the blankets if you deal with some of the dust in the mattress.” Marianne contained a giggle as she spoke.

“Oh, Marianne my hero, and so helpful too!” Hilda let out a giggle at her own joke before continuing. “I think I’ll take you up on that, so long as you come right back.”

“I will, I will.” Marianne took the blanket and quickly trotted down the stairs. This was a good excuse to give her a moment to think.

Talking with Hilda just felt natural. Marianne wanted to spend more time with her yet she knew the time that was available for that was going to be cut into soon enough. What ever Claude had called them here for was certainly going to see to that. Though without that call she and Hilda wouldn’t be close enough to talk. Marianne sighed as started to shake the blanket out. Just talking to her had felt so natural. Marianne had finally realized that she had gotten used to the feeling of Hilda’s touch over the time together, and even more how much she had missed it while they had been apart.

It really had been so long since she had really shared much contact with people. Hilda had pushed her towards the realization that she actually did want people close to her. The idea that she was a burden had never left her, maybe it wouldn’t leave her ever, but Hilda had taught her that maybe that burden was something people could help her with. Something that people would accept.

She gave one last shake of the blanket before folding it up and walking back into the dorm. She gave a quick knock before walking in. Hilda was reading through a journal laying on the relatively dust free bed.

“Oh hey! You were taking a second!” Hilda rolled over on her side as she spoke. “I found an old journal I left here. It’s kinda funny remembering those old days.”

“Things felt simpler back then…” Marianne replied. “I’m not too sure they actually were, though.”

Hilda chuckled as she rolled back to her book. “You are probably right about that. Remember how we used to talk late into the night back then? Just the two of use sitting in one of our rooms?”

“You did most of the talking. I’m not sure I really had much to contribute…” Marianne contained a sigh.

“You did too contribute! You always asked questions, and you always listened to me.” Hilda sat up as she talked, a more serious look on her face. “You really always have been good at listening.”

“I-I think you’re right…” Marianne blushed lightly as she tried to accept the praise.

“Hey! You didn’t brush off the compliment!” Hilda smiled widely at her while she leaned back, stretching her arms above her head.

Marianne felt her blush intensify as her eyes wandered to her friends well muscled shoulders. She found herself watching closely as Hilda yawned causing her shoulders to ripple.

“I’ve been trying to get better at that, it-it hasn’t been easy but I’ve been trying.” Marianne looked away trying to hide her blush. “Everyone made it easier to do.”

“Well you know something about you just makes me want to put in the effort!” Hilda chuckled. “Seeing you smile certainly is enough to make it worth it.”

“P-please don’t tease me, Hilda...” Marianne clasped her hands crumpling the blanket in the process. The smile on her face was hard to contain.

“Who said I’m teasing you? That little smile of yours is quite possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen!” Hilda leaned towards her as she spoke. “Now get over here with that blanket, it’s cold!”

“Okay, okay.” Marianne walked over with the blanket. She wanted to trust the words Hilda spoke but the anxiety coiled tightly around her mind. Hilda grabbed her pillows and laid them both against the wall. She quickly gave the one next to her a pat. 

Marianne handed the blanket to Hilda and sat next to her on the bed. Hilda unfolded the blanket and spread it over the both of them.

“Come on it’s cold, stick close to me.” Hilda said with a whine as she pulled Marianne closer.

“H-Hilda!” Marianne though surprised leaned into the contact almost reflexively.

“Sorry, but it is cold Marianne.” Hilda said a wry smile and a slight blush on her face.

They stayed like this together talking about this and that as the night wore on. Even with the letters they had exchanged there was so much for them to talk about. Marianne of the various things that Dorte got up to, and Hilda of her experiences on the border and the sights from her wyverns back. The feeling of being caught between the mountains below her and the sky above, yet being free, if only for a moment, from all the responsibility below. How her wyvern only expected a meal from her and little else. She talked of the cloudless skies of pristine blue, and how somehow the color made her think of Marianne’s hair. Of how much she missed her.

Marianne felt her heart flutter just hearing her voice, and even more so when Hilda hinted and nudged at just how much she meant to her. Even with her nerves the conversation welled up naturally between them. Ebbing, and flowing it soon became a trickle as more of their stories and questions ended with yawns.

Soon enough Marianne felt a gentle pressure on her shoulder as Hilda’s head rested against it. The pressure of travel and the earlier battle left her as she stared at the pink hair cascading around her shoulder. How easy it would be to reach up and run her fingers through it. Unbidden her hand lifted slightly. It was just a gentle touch… light as a breeze. Her hair was freshly washed and soft. Marianne felt her heart beat slow as her hand returned to her lap. Slowly her own breathing slowed as well. Such calm was unusual for her but sleep made it easy to maintain as her own head rested against Hilda’s. Pink and blue mingling as they slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Citriccenobite for betaing this for me! Also I'm so sorry about the delay but MORE Is still on the way and next chapter gets a bit angsty


	4. Recovery

Marianne’s eyes flew open. The ceiling of the infirmary greeted her.

“Ah, you’re awake Marianne…” came a soft voice off to her left.

“Mercedes? What- I- I’m at Garrag Mach?” Marianne asked as she pushed herself up from the bed. 

“You gave us quite the scare there!” Mercedes finished folding some bandages before walking over. “You’ve been out cold for nearly two days.”

Mercedes unreadable expression held Marianne’s attention as she continued.

“I do have to say though managing to hold that wound closed with your own faith magic may have been what truly saved your life.” Mercedes continued as she busied herself around Marianne. Poking and prodding with purpose around Marianne’s side. “Of course me and Byleth got to you as quickly as we could! We heard Hilda roaring from some distance away... does that hurt?”

“It feels… sore, but no sharp pain.” Marianne replied as Mercedes continued her examination.

“Good, good, it closed up wonderfully once we gave the wound the attention it needed, but we’ll need to check to make sure there’s no infection.” Mercedes leaned back that unchanging smile gracing her lips. “You might want to talk to Hilda once you’re ready. She was quite… distraught, but otherwise you are free to leave.”

Mercedes gave her a dress to change into saying that her other clothing was, unfortunately, quite ruined. After some final checks Mercedes led her out of the infirmary, and Marianne made her way to her own room in her borrowed clothes.

Marianne closed the door behind her.

She walked stiffly over to her bed dropping down next to it. Her hand shot to her side where the lance had pierced her body. The skin was closed over, healed, but a large starburst of a scar now marked her side.

Proof that she had lived.

Proof that her blood stained some field out there.

Proof that people cared enough about her to try and rescue her.

It still hurt. Even with the intensive healing, and the hours of effort both Byleth and Mercedes must have put into her. They had both spared her the gory details. She had always found it was one thing to be in someone else’s blood but another to know of your own.

Though her adrenaline had died down she still felt the fear in her deep in her gut. She had fallen to the ground when the lance stabbed her. The searing pain blasting her senses. She remembered Hilda crying out her name and the sound slowly morphing into a scream then a roar as she could do nothing but lay on the ground hand to her side.

Tears came unbidden as she sat hard on her bed. Her knees turned jelly.

There was little she could do now but try to deal with the experience. She had to process it some way or it would eat her. The war had put them all through so much but this was a first for her. She had seen many wounds over her time as a healer and dealing with them required a certain level of stability. The memory couldn’t leave her mind. She kept seeing it. Seeing the lance. Feeling the flare of pain. All her attempts to ground herself left her untethered.

A sharp knock at the door shook her to her senses.

“Ah- sorry!” Marianne managed to stand, if shakily, and make her way to the door.

Opening the door revealed Hilda pacing in the hallway. Seeing the door opened she turned on her heel immediately, and sped towards Marianne. She came to a sudden halt directly in front of her as Marianne continued to float.

“Marianne…” Hilda, even with all her sudden movement, seemed suddenly reserved. “I- are you… okay?” 

Hilda took a step back as Marianne tried to respond. She wanted to tell Hilda she was fine. That everything was okay, and maybe it was physically. Mercedes had said that she would make a full recovery, disregarding the scar that now decorated her midriff. What did Hilda want to hear though? Maybe, maybe she should just be honest with her.

“I’m not sure… Hilda…” Marianne clasped her hands to her chest. “I-I keep thinking…”

The words caught in her throat.

“Marianne. Can I…?” Hilda reached forward as she spoke though her hand stopped just short of the woman before her.

“I-I think I’d like that Hilda.” Marianne took Hilda’s hand in her own as she stepped back leading the other woman into her room.

Hilda closed the door as she quickly dragged Marianne into a hug. She clung to her desperately. The strength in her arms and shoulders holding tightly to Marianne.

“Can I just stay here for a bit Marianne?” Hilda asked still clinging to her chest. There was a shudder in her voice Marianne was unused to.

“Of course you can Hilda…” She replied her arms naturally wrapping around the other woman pulling her fully into the hug. Hilda felt more solid than her own arms. “You can stay as long as you need Hilda.”

“I’m not sure you’re ready for that.” She chuckled, but it quickly faded. “Marianne I... you’re healed right?”

“Ah… I-yes I am. There is quite the scar there, but it seems nothing vital was damaged. I’m just a little… tired from everything I think.” Marianne wanted to be confident for Hilda now that she understood what Mercedes had meant when she said Hilda was distraught. “I think it will be okay.”

“Marianne, are you sure? I mean I’m still… I can’t get it out of my head Marianne.” Hilda pulled away just enough to hide her face in her hands. “I keep remembering it. I keep seeing you there… just laying in the grass.”

Hilda began to cry into her hands as Marianne reactively pulled her closer. What should she do? How could she comfort Hilda when she wasn’t even sure how to handle her own emotions right now?

“It was so… red… I thought you were…” Hilda shuddered as a sob shook her body.

“Hilda I’m here. I’m here now.” Marianne rubbed soft circles into the other woman’s back. Marianne wasn’t sure if it was to steady herself or Hilda.

“I remembered what you told me you used to pray for…” Hilda said in a voice so soft it barely sounded like her. “When I saw you laying there that was my first thought and I was just… I was so angry! So angry at everything that made you feel like that and… angry at you.”

Marianne stilled for a moment at that. She started rubbing the circles again as she stood in silence for a moment. She realized what she needed to say as the ground beneath her became solid again.

“I can’t say that don’t have thoughts like that anymore, but… I know how to tell myself I’m wrong now. When those thoughts come instead of thinking about how lonely I am I remember all of you. I remember Leonie asking me about what I care about. I remember Claude telling me about the burdens we all carry. I remember Ignatz showing me the sky, and Lysithea telling me how to have a bit of confidence, and Raphael talking to animals with me…” Marianne felt tears rolling down her cheeks as she spoke, and they continued as she gently pushed Hilda away and lifted her chin with a gentle hand.

“And most of all Hilda I remember you. I remember all the times you reached out to me when I shut out everyone. I remember all the ways you helped me when I stumbled or tripped. I remember all the days when we talked into the night. I think about you Hilda and I know I can’t put your effort waste.” Marianne felt the tears gently rolling down her cheeks as looked into Hilda’s.

Hilda seemed awstuck, but she had stopped crying. Maybe Marianne could call that a success?

“Hilda, are yo-”

Marianne started her question as Hilda reached up and gripped the front of Mariannes gown, and before she could finish she was pulled into a kiss.

It was clumsy and slow, so unlike Hilda, Marianne thought as she accepted it. Before she had a chance to finish the thought Hilda pulled away, face as pink as her blouse.

“Oh goddess, I’m sorry, I have terrible timing, I shouldn’t have- I didn’t mean to force you- I-” Hilda rambled her usual confident front suddenly shaken by the overwhelming feelings.

“Hilda…”

“That was awful of me! I just- when you said you thought of me I just thought ‘oh I should kiss her’ and I then I did but now is not the ti-”

Hilda stopped as Marianne cupped her cheeks.

Marianne leaned down and kissed her back.

It lasted longer this time as they both slowly melted into the kiss. Before Marianne had even realized it she felt her knees buckle against her bed. She fell backwards onto the mattress and Hilda fell with her. On top of her.

Marianne laid still for a moment as she took in the woman hovering over her. Face ablaze and breathing heavy Hilda stared down at an equally embarrassed Marianne who’s hair had fallen loose on the bed.

“Is this happening?” Hilda asked trying reign in her breathing. “Are we doing this? Do you want this?”

“I think I may have wanted this for a long time, but I will need you to take it easy on me.” Marianne said surprised how naturally the honesty came to her.

“I’ll be sure to be gentle as I can be.” Hilda said a gentle smile on her face.

…

Marianne awoke to a soft snoring as she felt the warmth of another body pressed against hers, or maybe it would be more accurate to say she was pressed against the other person in her bed. With careful movements Marianne untangled her arms from Hilda’s sleeping form. Marianne felt herself flush as she realized they were both nude, and as the memories of the previous night returned to her mind.

The warmth being put off from Hilda’s body continued to tempt her as she found herself simply staring at the other woman’s back, her defined shoulders, the patchwork of faded scars, and the small red scratches that she had left there. Maybe Marianne had gotten a little… too enthusiastic. She reached forwards and softly touched the marks as her hand glowed with a soft warm light. A gentle touch transferred the smallest bit of magical energy into the Hilda’s back, and Marianne watched as the marks quickly faded as Hilda sighed in her sleep.

A small thought entered her mind.

‘I shouldn’t have done this.’

She clutched her hands in front of her bare chest as unbidden thoughts swirled through her head. She couldn’t turn away as Hilda sighed in her sleep. The sea of pink hair shifting with the slight motion.

‘This was a mistake.’

She reached out slowly.

‘What would Margrave Edmund say?’

Softly she touched Hilda’s back as her fingers laced in her hair.

‘I love her.’

The thought rose like a tidal wave in her mind overwhelming the sea of doubts plaguing her. Whatever she did, that was one thing she could hold solidly onto. She had struggled too long to avoid thinking about what all the feelings flitting around in her head meant and it took the simple action of touching her hair to finally accept it. Though maybe there had been some other things that helped as well, she thought with a blush.

Marianne found herself more content laying here next to the other woman than she had for a long time. Once again she closed the distance and brought herself close to her. Resting her head in next to Hilda’s as she once again wrapped her arms around her tightly muscled sides. Hilda responded to the motion by slowly turning to face her and pulling Marianne close. She held Marianne tightly even though she still seemed to be in the fog of sleep.

“Mmm… Morning, Marianne…” Hilda said with a lazy grin.

“Good morning Hilda.” Marianne said a small smile gracing her face.

Embarassing or not she certainly could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive! Those holidays were certainly something but either way here is chapter four hopefully five will be here sooner!


	5. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it the end of the road or is it just a new start to their path?

The war was over. Well and truly over. All that was left now was to figure out how to rebuild from all the devastation. Fodlan was trying to stand back on it’s own two feet, and work was being done everywhere to help. They had all done their part in the war, and Marianne certainly felt what she had given as her hand drifted to her side as it ached gently.

“Marianne your tea is going to get cold!” Hilda said leaning forward over the table between them. “Are you okay Marianne?”

“Ah sorry Hilda my mind is… elsewhere.” Marianne replied.

Her thoughts wandered to the future just what and just what she was going to do. Margrave Edmund and his lands were an option though an unpleasant one. The idea that had actually captured her was something Claude had asked her. That, and of course the woman sitting in front of her.

“Hilda?” Marianne asked in a voice much quieter than she intended.

“Yes Marianne?” Hilda replied, concern flashing across her face.

“I-I’ve been wondering w-what you’ll be doing.” Marianne failed to steady her nerves. “Now that the fighting is over that is…”

Hilda stared at Marianne for a good moment before leaning back in her chair and looking to the sky.

“Honestly Marianne I have no idea what I’m going to do.” Hilda sighed. “I’m certainly good at being Claude’s second in command, but… I don’t think that’s what I want to do.”

She sipped her tea before sighing again. With her pensive expression Marianne desperately wanted to help her find something more.

“I mean Claude did pretty much offer to take us all on a trip to Almyra.” She chuckled. “I’m certainly curious about just what it is like there after swallowing so many lies about the nation. After all that though… I just… don’t know. If only I could just make jewelry!” She threw her arms into the air to punctuate her confusion.

“Why can’t you just make the jewelry?”

“I mean like I will probably make these things as long as my fingers still work.” Hilda said twiddling with her earrings. “It’s just that I have a lot to handle being a member of house Goneril. Understanding tactics and battles is one thing, but I don’t know how to make up for years of war and skirmishes between us and Almyra...”

Hilda sighed as she laid her arms on the table and then her head upon her arms.

“It’s a lot of responsibility you know? I get I won’t be alone, like I’m sure Claude will help, but what if I mess up? Neither me nor Holst have ever been great at the whole diplomacy thing.”

“I… I could come with you, you know.” Marianne said, her hands tightly wrapped around a small velvet bag. “I’m not Margrave Edmund, but he did raise me, and I’ve lived in his library about half of my life… I’ve seen just about every treaty he’s helped pen and many he didn’t.”

“Even for me that’s too much to ask!” Hilda’s head shot up from the table as she spoke. “I mean surely you have other things to do?”

“Well Claude did ask me to help him write a treaty between Fodlan and Almyra… and that might be easier to do closer to the border.”

“Uhg! I swear he’s always thinking five steps ahead of everyone around him!” Hilda whined. “You know the other day he asked me where I’d get a ring, me! As if I wouldn’t just make one myself! I swear if that man tries to propose to someone without getting me to make the ring I might just punch him!”

Marianne clutched the small package she was hiding under the table.

“Either way Marianne, I’d be happy to have you!” Hilda replied. “I’ll make sure everyone else is happy to have you as well. Oh Goneril is beautiful in fall too! The estate is in the foothills, and all of the trees turn this brilliant red once autumn hits!”

“I’m glad, I am worried though…” Marianne felt herself tense up again. “I’m nowhere near as experienced as Margrave Edmund, but I want to make everyone proud.”

“Marianne you’ve been studying this stuff half your life! I’m sure you’ll do fine, but I’ll be to be what help I can be either way.” Hilda reached across the table as she spoke offering a hand to her. “Besides I’m sure Claude will want to be involved as well and help where he can. On top of that it will be a way to prove yourself!”

“I... I’m sure he will… and I’m sure that I will.” Marianne reached gently and gave the offered hand a squeeze. Using some of that offered confidence she continued. “Still though Hilda, after all that… is there something you want to do?”

“I know you want an answer Marianne, but I don’t have one.” Hilda sighed as she looked to the clear sky above them. “Most of my life has been following the path laid in front of me, and I don’t… I’m just not sure what I really want in the future. The only thing I can say for sure is that I want to make my trinkets, fly, and be with my friends.”

It was something through. Marianne knew the question she wanted to ask, but even after everything it was hard to put the words between them. Even though Hilda and her had been together for sometime now Marianne worried about the pressure. Their romance had been slow for so long then happened all at once. Pushing it even further set her nerves on edge. She could certainly feel the uncertainty in both her heart and stomach.

“Well whenever you do find what you want to do Hilda, I’d like to be there.” Marianne forced herself to smile in spite of her nerves.

Hilda laughed lightly. “I don’t think I’d want it any other way, but is that really the question you want to ask me though Marianne?”

“I… There is something I want to ask you, but…” Marianne sighed as she closed her eyes. Once again she found herself playing with the soft pouch she clutched in her lap.

“You know Marianne I’ve always thought that you’re cute, even with that nervous look.” Hilda giggled propping herself up on the table with her elbows. “Either way though take your time. You should know I’ve got plenty of patience for you at this point.”

“Thank you Hilda… Honestly I haven’t felt this nervous since the war ended. I just… I’ve been thinking for a long time about how to approach this, because I want you to understand how important you are to me.”

“Marianne… ?” Hilda tilted her head to the side.

“I just know that we’ve been together for sometime, but I wanted to make sure that you knew I wasn’t just… reaching out because you were the one who was near.” Marianne found herself carefully putting her words in order. “I want to make it clear that… I am committed.”

“I’ve never questioned that Marianne-” Hilda started

“I don’t- this is mostly for myself Hilda… You know that I’ve been unsure of much of my future and this is me telling myself that I do have a future.” Marianne rushed forward. “I was never sure about it but I think that I see one now, and I wanted to ask if… if you wanted to be a part of it, o-or if I could be a part of yours.”

“I- Marianne, are you asking me what I think you are asking me?” Hilda quickly lifted her hands to her face covering her quickly forming tears.

Marianne stood from her seat, and walked around the table separating them. As Hilda turned to follow her movement her eyes darted to the small pouch clutched in Mariannes hand. When she reached Hilda she slowly began to talk as she revealed its contents.

“I want to be clear that I don’t want to burden you with anything, or make you do anything Hilda…” Marianne said trying to find her footing. “I- I want to value what you want to do, and…”

Marianne paused for a moment to breath as she looked into Hilda’s shining eyes, and felt tears start to form in her own. She steeled herself and continued.

“Hilda I think I’ve made it clear in words how much you mean to me, and maybe my actions have shown a bit as well.” Marianne pulled the small velvet box out of the pouch. “I want to be there to show you again and again how much you mean to me, and if you would take this ring as a sign that I-I mean to see that through I would adore it.”

“Marianne. A-are you asking me to marry you?”

“I- yes, yes I am.” Marianne kneeled down in front of her and opened the box. “Hilda Valentine Goneril, will you marry me?”

Hilda promptly jumped out of her chair before pulling Marianne into a bear hug.

“Yes Marianne, Yes I will!” Hilda cried out as she spun her around.

Marianne couldn’t help but giggle, even while crying, as the other girl swung her through the air.

“Shouldn’t you put the ring on Hilda?” Marianne said.

“Oh! Yes, I should!” Hilda set her down gently before quickly snatching the box from Marianne’s hand. “Wait… I know this workmanship… Claude was asking for you!”

“Well I had to find out what to get you somehow, and I-I also wanted it to be a surprise.”

“I guess you can count me as surprised then!” Hilda giggled as she wrapped an arm around her waist.

The last rays of the late summer sun shone on both women as Hilda slowly slid the ring onto her finger. It was a simple band, solid silver, with a small pink gem flanked by smaller blue ones on either side. Hilda admired the ring on one hand while the other firmly held the waist of her soon to be wife. She didn’t look long before turning back to Marianne and dipping her into a kiss. Marianne savored the attention, as she savored every moment she could share with Hilda. They had kissed in so many ways, nervously, passionately, even desperately, but this was the kind she loved the most. A kiss that was comfortable, and at least a little bit romantic. 

Pulling back from the dip, and helping Marianne steady herself Hilda quickly went back to studying the ring.

“I do love the ring, but….”

“But?”

“But you have to promise to let  _ me  _ make the ones we’ll exchange. I have so many ideas, like the flanking stones are great but what if it curled and linked with just two at the center… and maybe room for more settings, hmmm...”

Marianne couldn’t help but laugh, clutching her chest as the giggle spilled from her.

“Hey! Rude! I’m great at making rings!”

Y-you are! You are!” Marianne giggled wiping tears from her eyes. “That’s just like you. It’s one of the things I love about you.”

“Oh do tell me more!” Hilda laughed as she poked her in the ribs.

“Hilda!”

Both women basked in each other's presence. Marianne didn’t think she had ever felt this happy before. The bubbly sensation, the joy! All of it swelled in her heart as she saw the smile on Hilda’s face. Unambiguous glee shone in her eyes and her smile as they took the time they finally had to be together.

And soon they would see those red leaves, and hear the cheers of their friends as they finally celebrated all the time they would have together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to write an epilogue so there will be a sixth chapter! While that is in progress I will probably work on some other things for Femslash February so keep your eyes open!

**Author's Note:**

> More coming soon! I'm still finishing writing the last chapter but we are on the way!


End file.
